Scrubbing Away The Past
by Humor In A Bittersweet Life
Summary: Bobby cleans his apartment ... and his life B/A shipper story. A very shippy Chapter Six!
1. Chapter 1

**The usual disclaimer applies ... don't own um ... just using um!**

**Title: Scrubbing Away the Past**

**Goren and Eames Ship**

**Rated T... for now**

**Spoiler: In The Dark, Season Four and Frame, Season Seven**

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**Scrubbing Away the Past**

He has this nervous energy. His apartment is beyond clean, yet he still scrubs and disinfects. He uses Maguire's wax on his toilet bowl, tub and sink. It glistens, shines so brightly, it blinds. Next he moves on to the kitchen, also clean, but not clean enough. He hasn't slept or eaten since his brother died, since Eames found out that Mark Ford Brady was his real father. He hears a knock on his door ... he really doesn't want to answer it, he just wants to keep scrubbing away the last two years of his life ... his life without Alex. The knocking continues. He stops scrubbing and goes to the door. It's Alex.

"Hi. Can I come in?"

"Of course."

"Wow ... is it time for inspection?"

He laughs, half heartedly, but he laughs.

"No, no ... I have nothing else to do since Ross made me take two weeks."

"I see. I thought you might hook up with Lewis."

"He has a girlfriend ... and work. I didn't want to intrude. What brings you by, you don't seem yourself."

"You can still notice that?"

"Of course I can. Do really think I'm that self absorbed?"

"No, I don't. Do you have a beer for an old friend?"

"Sure."

He walks into the kitchen and she follows. She leans up against the counter and he hands her the, now, opened bottle of beer. He sits at his kitchen table and leans his chair back.

"Thanks, I needed this ... and you, my friend."

"Yeah ... why?"

"I was feeling down is all."

"Oh and I'm such a joy to be around ... I get that."

Alex smiles.

"Believe it or not Bobby, there are times that you're the only one that I want to be around. I just don't usually act on it."

"Did her death have something to do with it?"

"Her death?"

"I know."

"Who's death? What are you talking about?"

"Rose. She died in the psych ward. Jenny's mom … Rose, Butch the mechanic … that night."

"How did you find out?"

"So that _**is**_ what this is all about?"

"Yes ... she looks down and blushes ... I caught your cold that night."

They both smile at the memory.

"I told you I would take you to see Nate. You made me drive ... you never let me drive."

They both laugh.

"I was too horrified to drive ... after giving birth myself, ya know."

"I knew."

"We were good together, Bobby ... for a long while."

"I really loved you Eames ... I want you to know ... I really loved you."

He looks down, looks sad ... lost, more than he has in the past two years. Recalling his love affair with Alex has made him long for a life that he missed out on.

"Bobby, why did you tell me to back off?"

"Why _**did **_you?"

"Don't answer my question with one of your own."

"You walked away and never came back to me, but how could I blame you … I never did."

"I blamed you though … for not finding me and I don't mean when Jo took me. I mean when I walked away from you. You should have tried harder."

He wants to shout at her ... he wants to push her away ... he wants to pull her towards him.

"_Women_."

"That's too easy."

"Right now ... that's what I have."

Alex places her beer on the counter and heads for his door ... she made a mistake coming there. He follows and stops her by placing his hand on the door blocking her exit.

"Let me go Bobby."

He leans his body up against hers ... close to her ear he says ..."I had nothing left to give you. She was taking my spirit away. I was so unhappy … you, you didn't need that, you didn't need me."

She turned into him.

"No, but I wanted you."

He let go of the door and turns away from her … he hated himself … he loved her. He sunk down on his couch and placed one hand over his eyes. She sat down by his side.

"Remember that one week-end … it was the subway series? We stayed in all week-end and ate junk food. We watched the games, argued about the Yankees and the Mets … you did the Goren dance. Remember?"

"The Goren dance?"

"Yeah, every time the Mets got a run off the Yankees … you got up and did the dance."

Alex stands up to demonstrate. Bobby laughs … a real laugh this time.

"I remember."

"And we made love."

"I remember that too."

"The first time was that night."

"The night we wrapped up that case … you wanted to go see Nate."

"I wanted to feel better."

"I made you sick."

"With a cold … lets be specific. You didn't make me sick … you were wonderful that night."

He once again, looks down.

"I'm sorry that I checked out of our relationship … you were very special to me."

He gives her a sideward's glance.

"You loved me, I was special to you? Why all in the past tense?"

"I still love you and you'll always be special to me, but the damage has been done … I'm a human wrecking ball, Eames."

"I'm still standing … you haven't knocked me down yet."

"What brought you here tonight?"

"When I heard about Rose, my memories got the best of me. No man has ever made me feel as loved as you. I don't expect any man ever will … you're the only man I want Robert Goren, even after a two year lay off."

Bobby puts his arm around her, she snuggles up to him. He sighs heavily and wonders if the cleansing is over... or has it just begun?

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A/N Liz ... Believe it or not, you gave me the idea to write this. Hope you like it:) Thanks to all that read. Happy Friday!


	2. Chapter 2

**Spoilers**

**Magnificat~Season 4**

**Blind Spot~Season 6**

**Siren Call~Season 6**

**They continue to recall their love affair.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_CHAPTER TWO: The cleansing begins._

**Time Will Tell**

The two former lovers sat in silence for over an hour just reveling in each others familiar company. He held her close as she ran her hand along his chest. Tears escaped her eyes now and again remembering better times as they came flooding back.

_** November 2004 ...**_

_**Bobby, how could she blow up her own precious babies? They were so beautiful. **_

_**I don't know Alex. He was so controlling … he knocked her down every chance he got. She could never do anything right in his eyes. A person, especially a weak person, can only take so much mental abuse. It will drive you to do such unspeakable acts.**_

_They made love that night, she needed to feel close to Bobby. He was loving, warm and tender. He stayed up with her all night long. She couldn't sleep thinking about the children and the one son left behind … knowing the rest of his life he would be in therapy dealing with the loss of his brothers. Bobby surmised that he knew that it was his own mother that caused their death. He had arranged for a friend to look at the father and have the child taken away … he was not fit to raise that child. He drove his wife to commit that act. God only knew what damage he would or could do to his son._

* * *

She really truly fell in love with Bobby then … she never stopped loving him. He needed to know.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Still? I mean … after all I've done. Why do you put up with me Eames?"

"So many reasons. Do remember the first time you told me that you loved me?"

"I remember the first time I felt it. We were coming off shift and you were really upset. All I wanted to do was hold you, comfort you. I just wanted you to stop feeling so bad. I realized then that what we had wasn't about sex or … I don't know … just wanting to be close to someone. It was love, I was in love with you."

"When was that?"

He smiles because he remembers the exact date.

"November 8th 2004."

"Not the 7th or the 9th , but the 8th … you're sure."

"I'm sure … you can go back and check the log."

"Why, did you write it down? _Busted the perp and fell in love with Eames today_."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, that's exactly what I wrote in the log. Deakins questioned me on it and I told him it was all his fault for pairing me up with such a hot, sexy partner."

"I'm so sure. What case was it?"

He shakes his head. "I don't remember."

"You remember everything else but you don't remember the case … I don't buy it."

He shrugs. "You want another beer?"

He rose from the couch and headed in the direction of the kitchen.

"It was the mom that blew up her kids."

He stops and turns.

"Yeah … that's right."

"You wanted to rip his head off ... the husband"

"It was the way he treated her Eames. He drove her to the end of insanity. She was precious, ya know. At least to him she should have been … and his boys. He had it all … the wife the kids … the white God damn picket fence. What makes a man treat the woman that he promised to love … that way. He pushed and pushed and then BANG! He pushed her right over that precipice."

"I wasn't the only one feeling bad that night. We needed each other."

"I realized that I loved you and could never do that to you, but then again … I guess I did, didn't I?"

"NO! Things started to go bad for us when I was taken and your mother became ill … it was all too much. You were never and could never be like him. We drifted apart. I let that happen too."

He continued on into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer and sat by himself at his kitchen table. He was playing with the cap to the beer when Alex finally came in. He was just staring at it. She weaved her hand through his hair and sat opposite him.

"I felt so much guilt. I knew you wanted me to come home with you that night, but Ross was on my case and I felt I needed to prove something to him. I wanted to find something on those tapes. If I had just gone home with you …"

"Stop … it's water under the bridge."

"Not for me. I have to live with that every day. I couldn't find you … I thought I lost you forever. And to make matters worse … I, I couldn't make love to you. You thought I didn't want you, but I did. My guilt was … was …"

"Bobby, please stop …

They're both crying now.

… I knew things were bad and then Ray Wysnewski, you blamed yourself for that."

"It was _**my**_ fault. I thought I talked him down, but he blew himself away right in front of his wife and daughter."

"It wasn't you that cuffed him in front. That was a rookie mistake made by a veteran officer. You had nothing to do with that."

"You tried to comfort me, but once again my mother called, she needed me to run interference with the nursing staff. _He chuckles sarcastically. _She wanted jello for dessert, not pudding. God how that woman fucked up my life."

"Jello? That call was about jello?"

"I didn't know that until I got up there … she was hysterical. I couldn't understand her on the phone. I was too embarrassed to tell you."

She grabs his beer and takes a long sip.

"I'm sorry … the stress that you were under and I just walked away. I shouldn't have."

"No, you did the right thing for you."

"No I didn't. My heart ached for you … please stop the ache."

He reaches for her hands. "Can we really go back, Alex?"

"No, but we can go forward."

"I've missed you."

"Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still have that problem … you know."

"Only time will tell."

"I have time."

"Me too."

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**Next/ More reminiscing and a possible change in rating. I'm not making any promises here ... just a POSSIBLE change in rating. Thanks for reading:) Judy**


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers:**

**Brother's Keeper ~ Season 6**

**Blind Spot ~ Season 6**

* * *

_CHAPTER THREE: Doubts for a future_

**The Past Should Stay in The Past**

Alex left the kitchen and made herself comfortable back on his couch. She was hoping Bobby would join her. Bobby stayed in the kitchen, nursing his beer. He started to take a walk down memory lane himself. For some reason, he recalled the day in their SUV when his mom had called and wanted to meet Eames. By that time they had been long broken up. He mentioned it to her, how Frank had been talkin her up and his mom wanted to meet her. She gave him a funny grin, and so he dropped it. The SUV's temperature had dropped a few degrees after that conversation. They never really argued about the break-up, but their partnership was chilly at times. He knew that their love affair was special to her, and to him as well, but he fucked it up and he knew it. After her kidnapping, he couldn't deal with the guilt of not going home with her that night. His mother's illness soon after, took over his life and Eames started to resent his mother for pulling him away from her. It was one big mess. He should have known not to mention it, but he did. Things went from bad to worse.

"Bobby, are you coming back to the couch?" Alex hollered from the living room.

He let out a long sigh and stood up from the table. He needed to stop thinking. Alex was right, they couldn't go back, but now he wasn't sure if they could go forward.

He went into his living room but didn't sit beside her. She looked at him with love and admiration in her eyes, but he missed it, he was too busy stuck in the past.

"Alex, I'm not sure if I'm ready … if we're ready for this. I won't hurt you again."

"Bobby, if it's the sex thing, I told you, I'm not going anywhere … I can wait."

"No, no it's not that. I don't trust myself. I mean, look at me … I'm a mess. I can't seem to get my head out of the past. You said that we can move forward, but I just keep thinking about what went wrong. What _**I **_did wrong."

"It takes two to Tango. I played a role in all of this too. Besides, all of our major obstacles are gone now. We're free to be a couple. To have some peace in our lives."

Bobby looked down. When he looked back up, Alex saw bitterness in his eyes. She was confused by it.

"You mean because Frances is dead and I don't have to go running off to her jello needs."

"I was thinking more on the lines that we've dealt with things … mentally. My kidnapping. You know? I've had countless hours of therapy and your mother died over a year ago now. How quickly you forget, but I was the one that stood by your side at her funeral."

He looked down shyly, almost embarrassed. _Quietly_, "I remember."

"Good, I'm glad. I was there for _**you**_. I never once stopped loving you. Never once."

They sat in silence. He was thinking that the past should remain there. If they were going to make a go of this again, and he really wanted to, they would have to keep it there. _**He**_ would have to keep it there.

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**_Not quite ready for a change in rating, but it's coming. Thanks for reading._**


	4. Chapter 4

**Spoiler: Suite Sorrow Season 2**

* * *

_CHAPTER FOUR: __**For Diane ~**_

_**A/N The story of the "Diane," is real ... Please have a toast to Diane and try this drink that was created at a bar in Boston, Massachusetts. She was a wonderful woman, much loved by family and friends, and she is sorely missed. **_

**Suite Sorrow**

It had been a long night, and Bobby wasn't sure how he felt. After Alex left, he wandered down to his neighborhood bar … he wanted a drink. He yearned for more than what he had at home.

Bobby saddled up to the bar and overheard two old friends talking. One had recently lost his wife to cancer. She was not only the love of his life, but the light of his heart. His one true love. The man spoke of her with warmth that heated the room and a love that brightened his face while he talked. Sure, he missed his wife, yes of course -- but when he spoke of her, you could almost feel her essence around him. She wasn't really gone -- she remained a part of him. She may have left him physically but her spirit, her being, surrounded him like a blanket of love.

Bobby couldn't help but smile. He listened to the men -- the husband and the best-man at their wedding. They talked about the woman whose name was Diane. He almost felt like he knew her and he wished that he had met her. The two men laughed at their memories and even became somber at times. They recalled the birth of he and Diane's two children. They laughed about the grade school years and PTO, they remembered the parties and proms … a lifetime of stories.

The man's friend leaned across the bar and asked the bartender if he might create a drink in honor of Diane, and so that night the "Diane" was born at Bobby's neighborhood bar. It was a healthy shot of Bourbon, a simple syrup mix, with lemon juice and basil added. It was strong and sweet, just like Diane was in life. The two men drank and laughed a bit longer, and then left the bar.

Bobby ordered the "Diane." He sat and thought about how the man had given a tribute to his wife with his glowing words. Bobby wondered if he would ever have love like that in his life. It was then he realized that he was sure of his love for Alex … as sure as the sun would rise tomorrow.

But earlier that evening, he'd been even more certain he would screw up again. He'd felt so sure of it, that he'd sent Alex away. Alex had left without hesitation or sorrow. She knew her partner well, and understood he needed time. She had closed her door once on him, but left it wide open now. She hoped he would walk through it again like he had many times before ... before he could no longer drag her down with him.

Bobby sipped his "Diane" and let his mind drift back to their early years. He thought about the Julie Turner case. He and Eames had chased down a lead when they entered a restaurant to find the smoking gun. In this case, it was a smoking photograph. It was of Julie's father and Julie's fiancé. Impulsively, Bobby had grabbed the camera and snapped a shot of himself and Eames.

He chuckled at the thought, reached into his breast pocket and produced the worn out snapshot. He could say some of the same things about his partnership. When the man had spoken about his wife early on in their relationship, it evoked many memories. When the gentleman talked about the "in the beginning" and "I knew she was my soul-mate" stuff, he'd immediately thought about Eames.

He held _**his **_smoking gun in his hand … he remembered staring at that photo for days, weeks, months … years.. He loved his partner, was **in love** with her, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. But there was! Time was short, he knew that now, he's known it all along. It took another man's loss to show him the way. He knew what he had to do.

He drank down the rest of his "Diane" and headed over to Eames house. It was time to move forward … together. He walked through her door...

* * *

**_A toast to Diane ... Thank you for reading :)_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Spoilers;**

**Shrink-Wrapped ~ Season 3**

**The Posthumous Collection ~ Season 4**

**Frame ~ Season 7**

* * *

_CHAPTER FIVE: THE DOOR IS OPEN_

**TIME FOR A NEW BEGINNING**

Alex sat in her living room staring at her door … remembering.

Some years earlier … they walked through her door … together after wrapping up a case and wrapping up their paperwork. It was time for unwinding and Chinese.

* * *

_**"Oh my God, Bobby. Eloise was the most ridiculous excuse for a middle-aged, a middle-aged … ah, help me out here."**_

_**"Well that's just it Eames … she doesn't want to be middle-aged. She wants to be Camilla. Young and attractive. You know, at her age they call that a cougar."**_

Alex remembers having a fit of laughter when Bobby said that. She didn't even know he knew that term, but then again, why wouldn't he? … He was a profiler.

* * *

She was broken from her reverie at the sound of the key in the lock. Only two people had her key, her sister Liz and Bobby. She knew it was Bobby. She straightened up in her lounger and waited. It seemed like an eternity for him to unlock her door, but with him when it came to their relationship, everything took forever and a day.

She didn't realize that he had feelings for her until one day when they were under cover … he let his guard down. She saw it, or rather, heard it in his voice.

"_**I like the way you did her eyes, they're almost as pretty as the real thing."**_

Four years and he reveals himself. They both wasted so much time. When he finally walked through that door, she wasn't going to waste anymore.

He walked through with his head down and his guard up or was it, his head up and guard down. Which ever the case, Alex rose from the couch and went to him. They both began to speak at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"What?"

"You go ahead."

"You go ahead."

Bobby put his hands up.

"Please Alex … I need to say this."

"Okay."

"I, I'm sorry for the way I acted. You took me by surprise tonight. It was a pleasant surprise but a surprise none the less. I thought we were through. I always hoped that we could find our way back to each other, but that was almost too painful to think about."

"Bobby, you had to know that I never stopped loving you."

"Hmm, let me think. You could have fooled me Detective … I hope it was worth it. Sound familiar?"

"What!? You think I was saying that out of anything _**but **_love? Do you know how scared I was? You cut me out of your life for six months. Every time I tried to call you or see you, you cut me off at the knees. Then, the next thing I know, we're pointing our guns at one another. No, sorry, but you're the genius … you should have been able to figure that out."

"Since when has any man been able the figure out a woman?"

"Well Mr. Genius Profiler, you're not just _**any**_ man."

"I hate to tell you this Eames … but when it comes to profiling you, I'm an idiot. So cut me some slack."

"Okay … I guess you're right. Most men are idiots when it comes to the woman that they love."

"And I do love you Eames."

"Two things."

"Name them."

"Please go back to calling me Alex and, and …"

"And what, _**Alex**_?"

"Lose the beard."

"Lose the beard?"

"Please."

_**Shit!**_

"Anything for you, Alex … anything."

* * *

**_Hey ... I like the beard too, but if you've seen the promos and I know you have ** crying now** it's gone! Alex made him do it!!!! Thanks for reading:)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**No spoilers ... just sailing away on the ship of Bobby love:)**

**

* * *

**

_CHAPTER SIX: The Shave _

**A Close Shave**

Alex grabbed Bobby's hand and dragged him into her bathroom. She was going to shave him.

"Why can't I just do it tomorrow?"

"We need to learn to trust each other again. This is a step in the right direction. Will you trust me to shave your face?"

"Ah … ah, let me see your tools."

"Tools? I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours."

"If I'm still alive, I'll think about it."

Alex closed the lid on her john … "Sit. Okay … here we go. I have a Lady Bic."

Bobby examined it.

"No … I don't think so."

"How about this?"

"What the hell is that thing?"

"It's an Epilady."

"A what? Excuse me?"

She plugged it in, turned it on and rubbed it against his face. He jumped ten feet in the air and screamed like a little school girl.

"Jesus Christ, Alex … what the hell? I thought this was about trust, not torture?"

"What are you a wimp? I use that on my bikini area."

"Are you nuts!? That things is, is … well, it should be classified as a lethal weapon!"

"It just goes to show you, women are the stronger sex."

He surrendered. Hands held high up in the air.

"I give … you win. I'll go home and shave. You proved your point."

"Proved my point? My point was a lessen in trust."

"Yeah and I don't trust you and your _**tools**_. I have a straight edge razor at home with this beards name on it."

"Okay, I'll come with you."

"You're determined to do this, aren't you?"

"Yes I am. I promise, I'll be gentle."

Bobby pulled her into his lap … "Yeah, me too."

"Are you about to show me your tools?"

He hasn't felt this need, this want, for a very long time. He was so exhausted. Everyone saw it. Captain Ross made a ritual out of telling whoever would listen to him, how tired Goren looked. Bobby would get up in the morning and splash water on his face and look at himself in the mirror and wonder how he got so old … so tired. He knew that part of that was losing Alex. She would do the same. She thought that everyone could see the loss and pain on her face, but she hid it well. She hid it from Bobby … he thought that he had lost her for good, but here they were … together … making out on her toilet seat in her bathroom.

"Um, Alex? Do you think we could, you know, go into your bedroom?"

"You go ahead, but don't start without me."

"Why aren't you coming with me?"

"You'll see."

As soon as he left, she gathered some candles and filled the tub with steaming hot water. She added her lavender bubble bath and lit the candles. She waltzed into her bedroom and once again grabbed his hand and dragged him back into the bathroom. They undressed each other, slowly … and sunk down into the hot, steamy water.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed and rested her head against his chest.

"You realize, if we get called in, not only will I smell like lavender, but we'll smell alike."

She turned and faced him, wrapped her arms around his neck and began to nibble.

"Only you would notice something like that."

He was lost in what Alex had started to do to his neck and forgot what he was talking about.

"Hmm? Notice what?"

She continued what she was doing, knowing that she sufficiently distracted him. She could tell for sure by the firmness she felt sneaking in between her legs that he no longer had _**that problem**_. They fondled, they kissed, they cuddled and soaked. They spoke softly to each other … words of love, words that had a promise of the future. He held her a bit tighter and whispered in her ear … "Let's go make love, Alex. It's been too long since I've showed you that you're the most important person in my life. I'll never make that mistake again."

"I won't let you."

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**_Thanks for reading ... I do appreciate it._**


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